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Managing Anxiety with Family Gatherings during the Holidays

With life comes its many challenges which bring a great deal of stress to our lives. Florecer Family Counseling is here to serve you and your family with our counseling services in whatever area you need help with. Whether you're struggling with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, or navigating difficult life transitions, we're committed to walking alongside you on your journey toward healing and growth. You don't have to face these challenges alone—give us a call or contact us today to set up a free 15-minute consultation with one of our professional therapists.


Family Gathering for the Holidays
Family Gathering for the Holidays

The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy and togetherness, but for some people, family gatherings during the holidays can cause a great deal of anxiety. If you find yourself feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or dreading upcoming family events, you are not alone. In this blog, we will explore why and how family gatherings can cause anxiety and share strategies to help you cope with these feelings so you can navigate the holidays stress-free.


Why Do Family Gatherings Trigger Anxiety?


Previous Bad Experiences


Previous bad experiences, such as those in childhood, can often put a sour mood on family gatherings in the present. Below are a few ways that past experiences may cause anxiety during family gatherings today:


Common memory triggers include:

  • The house or location where bad childhood experiences happened

  • Relatives who were not kind during your childhood

  • The absence of loved ones who have passed away or are no longer around

  • Financial difficulty that reminds you of your upbringing


Old Family Dynamics can Bring up Anxiety


Certain old family dynamics can sometimes leave a bad taste in our mouths, such as when you are disrespected or ignored. A couple of negative family dynamics that might cause stress or anxiety during the holidays include:


Signs that old family dynamics are at play:

  • Family members make the same old jokes about you from years ago

  • You feel like your opinions and choices aren't respected or valued

  • Your accomplishments are dismissed

  • You're compared to other family members negatively

  • Unresolved conflicts from the past are still in the air


How Anxiety Shows Up During the Holidays


Anxiety can affect people in different ways during the holidays or just in general. Below are some ways that anxiety can show itself surrounding family gatherings:


Physical symptoms:

  • Racing heart or heart palpitations

  • Upset stomach or digestive issues

  • Headaches or migraines

  • Muscle tension in your neck or shoulders

  • Trouble sleeping

  • Fatigue or exhaustion

Emotional symptoms:

  • Feeling irritable or short-tempered

  • Feeling a sense of dread about upcoming events

  • Difficulty concentrating

  • Feeling overwhelmed

  • Experiencing random mood swings

  • Feeling sad or depressed about the holidays

Behavioral changes:

  • Avoiding family events or making excuses not to attend

  • Overcommitting to please others

  • Withdrawing from conversations at gatherings

  • Using alcohol or food to cope with anxiety

  • Snapping at loved ones over minor issues

  • Arriving late or leaving early to minimize time at events


Practical Coping Strategies to Manage Anxiety During the Holidays

Though anxiety and the symptoms that come with it can really weigh you down, there are things that you can do about it, and there are ways to cope with it. Below are some helpful coping strategies when facing anxiety about the holidays:


Setting Boundaries

  • Say no when you need to - You don't have to attend every single gathering. If your schedule is packed with multiple family events, it's okay to choose which ones are most important to you and politely decline the others.

  • Limit your time - You don't have to stay for the entire event. Arriving a bit late or leaving early is perfectly acceptable. You might say, "I can stop by for a couple of hours, but I have another commitment later."

  • Don't take on more than you can handle - If you're hosting, you don't have to prepare everything from scratch. Store-bought dishes are fine. Potluck-style gatherings spread the work around. Ask for help when you need it.

  • Protect your values - If certain topics or activities don't align with your values, you have every right to opt out. Your boundaries are valid, even if family members don't understand them at first.

  • Be clear and direct - When setting a boundary, don't over-explain or apologize excessively. A simple "That doesn't work for me" or "I'm not available that day" is enough.

  • Stick to your boundaries - Family members might test your limits. Stay firm. Consistency shows that you're serious about protecting your well-being.


Activities to do before the holiday gathering:

  • Exercise or stretching - Walking, exercising, or stretching can help release tension from your body and help you quiet your anxious thoughts. Even just 10-15 minutes can help you settle down.

  • Listening to music - While you are getting ready for the event, listen to music that calms you down.

  • Pray or meditate - Spending time in quiet reflection or prayer can help you feel grounded and remind you that you are not alone.

  • Take a warm shower - Taking a warm bath or shower can help you calm down and recalibrate your thoughts.

  • Journal your thoughts - Write down what you're worried about and what you hope for during the gathering. Getting thoughts out of your head and onto paper can provide clarity and relief.

  • Spend time with a pet - If you have a pet, you may find that spending time with them, petting them, or walking them can be quite relaxing.


Take Care of Yourself During the Holiday Gathering


When the time to go to the family gathering comes around, you might still find yourself stressed out and anxious. In this case, some strategies or techniques to cope with that stress can be very beneficial. Below are a few ways to cope with the stress around family gatherings:


Grounding techniques:

  • Take breaks by stepping outside for fresh air or finding a quiet room

  • Practice deep breathing to calm down

  • Focus on noticing things using your five senses to stay present (taste, touch, sight, sound, smell)

  • Excuse yourself to the bathroom when you need a moment alone

Social strategies:

  • Stay close to people who make you feel comfortable and safe

  • Offer to help with setting up tasks so you have something to do

  • Don't feel the need to be in every conversation

What to avoid:

  • Don't engage in arguments or debates in order to avoid stress

  • Don't try to fix or manage family conflicts that aren't yours to solve


When to Seek Professional Help for Anxiety

Sometimes anxiety around family gatherings is more complicated than just needing coping skills or grounding techniques. In such cases, professional help may be required:

  • Your anxiety is getting worse instead of better with time

  • You're avoiding your family

  • Anxiety is affecting your daily life, work, or other relationships

  • You're using unhealthy coping methods like excessive drinking, drugs, or isolation

  • You experience panic attacks before or during gatherings

  • You remember past trauma during gatherings


How Therapy Can Help


Working with a therapist gives you tools to manage anxiety more effectively.

  • Identify anxiety triggers - Understanding what specifically causes your anxiety helps you prepare and respond differently.

  • Develop coping strategies - Working on coping strategies based on what triggers your anxiety

  • Improve communication skills - Learning how to express your needs and set boundaries can help you manage during family gatherings

  • Process past hurts - Sometimes, current anxiety is connected to old wounds. Therapy provides a safe space to heal from painful memories that resurface during the holidays.

  • Build confidence - As you work through your anxiety, you'll feel more capable of handling difficult situations.


Approaching the Holidays


When dealing with anxiety surrounding family gatherings, ease of mind does not always come easily. Even if you are still stressed at the gathering, the important thing is that you are trying. Setting boundaries, grounding yourself, and focusing on being with your family are the best things that you can do for yourself and for those around you. The holidays don't have to be stressful—with the right support, you can enjoy family gatherings during the holidays. The professional counselors at Florecer Family Counseling understand the stress behind family gatherings and are more than ready to help you. Call or contact us today to schedule an appointment.


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FAQ:


How can I deal with a difficult family member?

Set clear boundaries about what you will and won't discuss, and take breaks when conversations get heated. Remember that you can't change them, but you can control how you respond and when you walk away.


How can I reconcile with family members who hurt me in the past?

Start by deciding if reconciliation is what you truly want and if the person has shown they genuinely want the same. If you choose to reconnect, communicate your feelings honestly, set clear boundaries about future behavior, and take things slowly.


How do I emotionally protect myself during stressful family gatherings?

Plan ahead by identifying your stress triggers and having an exit strategy if things get overwhelming. Use calming techniques like deep breathing, take regular breaks outside or in a quiet room, and limit your time at the gathering if needed.




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