%20(1).png)
5 Conversations Every Couple Should Have Before Marriage
- Daniel Flores
- 1 day ago
- 7 min read
Lasting marriages are marriages that are built on a strong foundation. To have that strong foundation, it is important to have good communication so that you understand each other. Florecer Family Counseling is here to serve you and your partner as you prepare for this exciting new chapter together, providing guidance for all your mental health and therapy needs. Whether you're newly engaged or thinking about taking the next step, our team is ready to help you build a solid foundation for your future. Give us a call or contact us today to learn how we can help you prepare for marriage
Getting married is one of the biggest decisions that you can make in life. It is a massive commitment that not everyone is ready for. Before getting married, it is important to make sure that your partner is on the same page as you are about important topics. This blog will walk you through five essential topics every couple should discuss before walking down the aisle, helping you avoid common pitfalls and build a strong and healthy marriage.
Why These Conversations Matter
Many times, people think that love is enough to make the relationship work out. Love is very important for marriage, but it is not the only thing that keeps a marriage together. Many couples discover major differences only after marriage, leading to conflict, disappointment, and arguments. Being able to have important conversations before marriage is important to prevent the consequences down the line. A few reasons why having these conversations before marriage is beneficial are:
Communication problems are one of the top reasons marriages fail
Unspoken expectations create resentment over time
Couples who discuss important topics before marriage report higher satisfaction
Addressing concerns early strengthens your bond
These conversations are meant to prepare you, not to scare you. Think of them as building blocks for a strong marriage foundation.
Conversation 1: Money and Finances
Financial disagreements are within the top three reasons for divorce in the United States, so it is no surprise that this is one of the topics that you should discuss with your partner.
What to Discuss:
Current financial situation:
How much debt does each of you have?
What are your credit scores?
How much do you each earn?
What are your spending habits?
Financial goals and values:
Do you want to buy a home?
How important is saving versus spending?
What are your retirement plans?
Do you plan to help family members financially?
Money Management:
Will you combine bank accounts or keep them separate?
How will the bills be paid?
How much can each person spend on their own?
What will the monthly budget look like?
Why This Matters:
Being in agreement about money is extremely important for avoiding bad fights and hardships later in life. Money has the potential to make or ruin a life depending on how it is used. Some people see money and spending differently, and may not want to stick to a budget. What is most important is that you are both able to agree on how you will spend money.
Consider couples counseling if:
You have very different spending habits
One person has significant debt
Money conversations always turn into arguments
You can't agree on basic financial priorities
Conversation 2: Children and Parenting
Having children is a very important decision to make and a very big commitment as well. Once you have children, there is no going back. For many couples, wanting to have children vs not wanting to have children can turn into a major dealbreaker, with one side always pushing back against the other.
What to Discuss:
The basics:
Do you both want children?
How many children do you want if yes?
When do you want to start a family?
How will you approach infertility?
Parenting approaches:
How were you each raised?
What did your parents do well?
What would you do differently?
How will you discipline children?
Practical considerations:
Will one parent stay home or will you both work?
How will you handle childcare costs?
What values do you want to teach your kids?
How will you divide parenting responsibilities?
Why This Matters:
If you want to have kids, being in agreement for parenting style is crucial in order for you to both be good parents who work together to raise your child or children. If you cannot agree on the basics, then it is time to seriously seek couples counseling.
Consider couples counseling if:
One person wants kids and the other doesn't
You've never discussed parenting at all
You have very different ideas about discipline
Religious or cultural differences influence parenting views
Conversation 3: Roles and Responsibilities
Discussing the distribution of responsibilities can be a small step that can end up preventing you or your partner from feeling like they are the only ones putting effort into the relationship. A couple is not always able to contribute equally in the relationship, but stepping up to help the other person is what will keep a relationship strong and stable.
What to Discuss:
Household tasks:
Who will cook?
Who will clean?
How will you divide chores?
What happens when one person can't contribute equally?
Career expectations:
Are both of you focused on your careers?
Would one person relocate for the other's job?
How will you handle work-life balance?
What if one person wants to change careers?
Why This Matters:
Not creating these boundaries early can set unhealthy dynamics later in the marriage. Setting up clear expectations before you are in a difficult situation due to some disagreement can save a lot of fighting down the line.
Questions to ask yourselves:
What did your parents' marriage look like?
Are you copying their model or doing something different?
Are your expectations reasonable?
Are you both willing to compromise?
Conversation 4: Family Relationships and Boundaries
Your families don't disappear when you get married. In fact, in-law relationships can become a major source of stress. Setting boundaries so that you can maintain a healthy relationship with your in-laws can save you from a lot of stress.
What to Discuss:
Holiday and family time:
Where will you spend holidays?
How often will you visit each family?
How will you handle competing family events?
What if your families don't get along?
Boundaries with parents:
How involved will parents be in your marriage?
Can they drop by unannounced?
How much personal information will you share with them?
Cultural and religious expectations:
Do your families have different traditions?
How will you honor both backgrounds?
What if families pressure you about having children?
Why This Matters:
Many marriages struggle because of family interference or unrealistic expectations. Your loyalty shifts when you get married—your spouse becomes your primary family.
Setting boundaries isn't mean, it's necessary.
Consider couples counseling if:
One partner is overly dependent on parents
Families are controlling or manipulative
You can't agree on how much time to spend with each family
Parents expect to be involved in all your decisions
Conversation 5: Communication and Conflict Resolution
Arguing and fighting are an inevitable part of marriage. There will always be something you both disagree on and you will need to compromise on. However, arguments are meant to help you both understand the other and work through your problems as a team, not to prove one side is more right than the other.
What to Discuss:
Communication styles:
How do you each handle conflict?
Do you need space when upset or want to talk immediately?
What communication patterns did you see growing up?
What makes you feel heard and understood?
Argument Boundaries:
What's off-limits during arguments?
How do you apologize and forgive?
Can you agree to take breaks when things get heated?
How will you repair things after a fight?
Expectations about sharing:
How much do you want to know about each other's day?
Should you share everything or keep some things private?
How open should you be about feelings?
What if one person is more talkative than the other?
How to Have These Conversations
Knowing what to discuss is the first step, but now you need to know how to have these conversations. These conversations can sometimes be difficult to have, and having them when the time is not right could end up doing more harm than good. Below are a few pieces of advice for approaching these conversations:
Create the Right Environment:
Don't bring up stressful issues such as money right before bed or when you're both stressed
Put away phones and turn off the TV to focus on each other
Stay calm in these conversations. Losing your temper or becoming stressed or emotional will not help the two of you come to an understanding
It is important to make clear stances on what you believe in to make sure that you are understood
Listen as Much as You Talk:
Ask questions to understand their perspective
Don't interrupt or plan your response while they're talking
Repeat back what you heard to make sure you understood what they were trying to say
Even if you disagree, take time to understand and acknowledge their feelings
Get Professional Help When Needed:
Sometimes, a topic may be too difficult to navigate without a counselor. Seeking a couples counselor can help the two of you better understand how you both feel and help you both communicate in a healthier way. Some ways that couples counseling can help are:
Help you communicate without fighting
Guide you through difficult decisions
Understand how to compromise
Identify patterns you might not see
Moving Forward Together
Even after having these conversations, a perfectly healthy marriage is not guaranteed. Having a healthy marriage is up to you, the couple. Marriage requires constant communication, compromise, and commitment. The conversations mentioned in this blog will continue to be relevant throughout the entire marriage. Don't wait until it is too late to have these conversations, make sure that you are both understood and in agreement. If you need any support before marriage, don't wait. Contact us and schedule a consultation and appointment today.
Read Other Blogs
Frequently Asked Questions
How long should we be together before having these conversations?
Should we not get married if we don't agree on a dealbreaker question?
If you disagree on major issues like whether to have children, it's important to take that seriously because these differences rarely go away. A couples counselor can help you explore whether compromise is possible or if the difference is truly a dealbreaker for your relationship.
Comments