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Understanding Cold Feet: Red Flags vs. Healthy Nerves
- Daniel Flores
- 5 days ago
- 4 min read
Here at Florecer Family Counseling, we want to give you the best support to help you heal in whatever stage of life you are in. Whether you're working through relationship dynamics, family transitions, or individual struggles, we're here to help guide you with expertise and understanding.
While marriage is often seen as one of the happiest days of one's life, it can also come with an enormous amount of anxiety and fear. Anxiety is a natural response that comes with big changes, but what can we do when our anxiety is too much to handle and it starts to interfere with our lives? This blog will discuss the differences between normal anxiety and red flags that need to be addressed immediately.
Understanding Pre-wedding Anxiety
Before any big life change, it is normal to feel a lot of anxiety. Many times, the anxiety you feel is caused by a desire for the big change to work out, and not necessarily that the change is bad. Marriage is one of those big life changes, and your brain is preparing you for the big commitment that lies ahead of you. Here are a few signs that your anxiety is natural:
Having pain or "butterflies" in your stomach
Worrying about family behavior during the ceremony
Experiencing stage fright being in front of several people
Worrying about wedding planning
Experiencing trouble sleeping surrounding the event
These are a few common feelings that most couples experience surrounding marriage. They usually fade during or after the wedding ceremony and don't have a serious impact on your relationship.
Understanding When Pre-wedding Anxiety is Serious
While anxiety is very common surrounding marriage, it is important to be able to distinguish between natural anxiety and red flags that should be looked at closely. After all, marriage is supposed to last for life, so if there is a sign that you should not get married to your partner, it is important to see it before it is too late. Seeing the red flags does not mean that you should'nt stay with your partner, but it does mean that changes need to happen before the relationship can progress. Below are a few red flags to keep an eye out for:
Warning Signs Before Marriage:
About Your Partner:
Red flags in a partner can be overlooked, especially in the early stages of the relationship. Before getting married, ask yourself if you notice the following behavior:
Feeling afraid of your partner's reactions
Controlling or manipulative behavior from your partner
Seeing patterns of dishonesty or secrecy
Feeling like you can not be yourself
Partner is dismissive of your feelings
About the Relationship:
Sometimes the red flags are not in your partner, but rather in the relationship. If neither person can compromise, then it might be time to consider couples counseling. Here are a few signs that the relationship is flawed:
Feeling doubt about your compatibility
Disagreements about future goals
Disagreements about finances
Feeling pressured to get married quickly
Family and friends expressing serious concerns
About Yourself:
Sometimes anxiety comes down to personal experience and worries, and having these worries can bring about a lot of trouble in a relationship. Here are a few signs that you might need personalized or couples counseling:
Panic attacks when thinking about marriage
Losing sleep for weeks or months
Avoiding conversations about your future together
Feeling trapped in a relationship
The Role of Premarital Counseling
No matter the severity of the problem, premarital counseling can always be helpful for couples going through any sort of anxiety. In some cases, individual therapy can be better for couples going through a hard time, but below are a few ways that premarital counseling can be helpful for couples:
Provides tools for coping with anxiety
Allows you to communicate with and understand your partner better
Helps you work through your fears as a couple
For More Serious Problems:
Allows you to identify issues in the relationship
Provides guidance on setting healthy boundaries with your partner
Develops strategies for addressing controlling or manipulative behaviors safely
Connects you with marriage counselors, individual therapists, or domestic violence resources
How can Florecer Family Counseling Help?
At Florecer Family Counseling, we believe everyone deserves to enter marriage feeling confident and supported. Our team is here to help you through all your mental health and therapy needs, including counseling for couples, marriage, and anxiety. Whatever kind of relationship problems you are going through, we are ready to help you work through stressful times. Give us a call or contact us today to take the first step toward clarity and peace of mind.
Continue Reading: More Resources for Your Journey
Pre-Wedding Anxiety: When Fear Takes Over: If you found this information helpful, you might also benefit from reading our related article on Pre-Wedding Anxiety: When Fear Takes Over. This goes into more details about anxiety surrounding getting married and the fear of marriage.
Biblical Foundation of Marriage: Building on Solid Ground: You can also explore our upcoming blog Biblical Foundation of Marriage: Building on Solid Ground, which will discuss how faith-based principles can strengthen your relationship and provide guidance during uncertain times.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal to have cold feet before getting married? Yes, cold feet are very normal before marriage. Most people feel nervous about such a big life change, and these feelings usually pass as the wedding gets closer.
What should I do if I'm having doubts? Talk to your partner about your concerns first. If doubts continue or get worse, consider speaking with a counselor who can help you sort through your feelings.
When should I seek professional help for cold feet? Seek help if your anxiety stops you from daily activities or if you feel scared of your partner. You should also get support if friends and family are worried about your relationship.
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